{"id":28566,"date":"2024-06-07T15:21:11","date_gmt":"2024-06-07T14:21:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/?post_type=article&p=28566"},"modified":"2024-06-07T15:41:20","modified_gmt":"2024-06-07T14:41:20","slug":"finding-forgiveness-a-ritual-of-mutuality","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/fr\/article\/finding-forgiveness-a-ritual-of-mutuality\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Forgiveness: A ritual of mutuality"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

June Boyce-Tillman, editor of the book series Music and Spirituality<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is part 2 in a series on Finding Forgiveness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Part 1, I explained how we can establish an authentic interiority following traumatic experiences. Here, I will describe two examples which have enabled this process in me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A ritual of mutuality – Liturgies of Separation<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the end of the marriage Church could offer us little help because of its theology of the sanctity of marriage vows, carefully enshrined and imposed by the weight of the Marriage Eucharist. The acknowledgement of divorce in religious terms is still a hole-in-the-corner affair. And yet, if there is a weighty liturgy at the beginning of marriage, surely there must be some sort ritual at the end? A social worker in the Conciliation Service offered us a reversal of the marriage ceremony, conducted like a presiding minister.\u201d Hold hands; look into one another\u2019s eyes and repeat after me\u201d:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you for the good times we have shared together.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am sorry for all the times that I have hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGoodbye as my husband.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHello as the separated parent of our children\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then the same process by the other partner. Some people might want me to write that, as we looked at another, we knew that our marriage was restored. But that is not what happened. After it, we sat apart in separate chairs and wept for what might have been, but could never be. I am glad of the friendship and our mutuality in caring for and protecting our children. Now we are good friends. We are separated parents and joint grandparent. As we all sat down for a celebration meal for our granddaughter winning a gold medal\u200a\u2014\u200aour two sons, my eldest son\u2019s divorced wife with her new partner, my ex-husband and me\u200a\u2014\u200athe family gathering appeared to me as a miracle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A song<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My relationship with my mother was a mess. It had not been sorted while she was alive. In May 2005, I was at a conference designed to produce a book on peace-making, Rik Palieri, (Palieri 2008) a colleague of the protest singer Pete Seeger, had talked about how he had achieved reconciliation with his father, by composing a song that he sang at a family gathering. In this song he saw his father\u2019s abuse in the context of cultural views of manhood in the US. In an open air caf\u00e9 in Madrid, while eating paella, this song was written. My mother was dead, but I thought I might achieve a measure of resolution of our complex and troubled relationship. I situated her in the culture of womanhood in her days. In verse four there is a reference to Ibsen\u2019s The Doll\u2019s House<\/em> and how my mother\u2019s generation were trapped in a particular form of marriage. This meant that often all of a woman\u2019s energy was focussed on one small group of people. The song forms part of my one-woman performance Juggling: A question of identity<\/em>, where it is sung as a letter to her, and has moved many others wherever it is used.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The author with her mother:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The song was an important part in mulching down the difficult parts of my childhood. However, now these provide compost for the creativity which has characterised my life as a hymn and song writer, a composer, conductor, teacher and priest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[1]<\/a> @Stainer and Bell<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":21284,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"category":[140],"topic":[178],"language":[],"class_list":["post-28566","article","type-article","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-generalites","topic-theologie"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFinding Forgiveness: A ritual of mutuality - Peter Lang<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/fr\/article\/finding-forgiveness-a-ritual-of-mutuality\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding Forgiveness: A ritual of mutuality\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"June Boyce-Tillman, editor of the book series Music and Spirituality This is part 2 in a series on Finding Forgiveness.  In Part 1, I explained how we can establish an authentic interiority following traumatic experiences. Here, I will describe two examples which have enabled this process in me: A ritual of mutuality – Liturgies of Separation At […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/fr\/article\/finding-forgiveness-a-ritual-of-mutuality\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Peter Lang\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-06-07T14:41:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/app\/uploads\/2019\/12\/image2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"640\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"426\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/fr\/article\/finding-forgiveness-a-ritual-of-mutuality\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.peterlang.com\/fr\/article\/finding-forgiveness-a-ritual-of-mutuality\/\",\"name\":\"Finding Forgiveness: A ritual of mutuality - 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