Raising Resilient Children

Many years ago, I met a student who had one of most horrific childhoods one would dare to imagine. This child’s mother was an addict, who funded her habit by selling her body. While she invited clients into her home, she would lock her children in a dog kennel. When I met this student, he had luckily come into a healthier environment, but I braced myself to meet a child who was resentful, withdrawn, or possibly acted out in anger. This was not the case. Despite his scarring past, this student was delightful—bright, happy, and kind. I was struck by his quiet inner strength. I found myself wondering how he could have overcome his circumstances with such wisdom and grace. Was his positive attitude merely a reflection of the temperament he was born with or was it a conscious choice?

While some children rise above their circumstances and overcome problematic situations, other children seem to flee or fall apart when faced with challenge. While some adapt to each new setback, others seem to become paralyzed by burden. Over and over again, I asked myself what is the difference between children who overcome adversity and children who falter?

My interest in these mystifying questions has lead me to the University of British Columbia, where I began to study social emotional development in children and research reactions to challenge. What I have discovered, thus far, can be summed up in a single word: resilience. Resilience seems to be the ingredient, which can predict success or failure in regards to challenge. It is what inspires children to thrive, even in environments that try to push them down. It is what motivates children to keep going and to become better.

The information I pass along in this book is through multiple lenses: graduate student, teacher and parent. As a graduate student, I was curious and fascinated by resilience or lack thereof in children. I wonder, can resilience be taught or is it a trait one is born with? As a teacher, I guide my students to become critical and creative thinkers, to persevere and to understand that success takes time and effort. As a parent, I see my own children struggle and stumble, at times. Like many of you, I want them to be happy, confident and tenacious. With all of this in mind, the question I dedicate my research to has evolved: How can educators and parents work together to raise resilient children?